2010 Sep 9

Addressing me

First impressions in a submission are important especially the opening sentence of an e mail or letter. Here are some of the ways I’ve been addressed in recent months.

Dear Folks , if I may.

Dear Beloved,

Dear Adrew Kownie,

Bear Andrew,

Dear Ms. Lownie,

Dear Mr. Andrew Lownie and Friends,

Dear Someone,

Dear Mr Downie

Hey Dave, nice of you to reply.

Hallo Andrew,

Dear Mr. Levin,

Dear Professional and Reputable Literary Agent!

Heavenly Greetings, To Revered Chairman/Secretary General Most respected Sir,

Dear One:

Hello My Dear,

MY BELOVED. GREETINGS IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST

Respectable,

Dear Respected one

Mister Andrew!

To all at Curtis Brown,

Hi dear, and how are you?

Dear Mr Andrew,

Dear , Andrew Wright

Warm greetings from Australia. I am very pleased to have found you via a psychic’s recommendation to my mother a few weeks ago.

Goodday Mate!

Ello

Dear Folks

Dear friend:

Gid-day Andrew,Greetings from the colinies!

Dear Respectful One,

Dear Agent Rabiner,

Dear agent, publisher, movie make, gallery owner, associate, friend, etc.,

Can we date at the London Fair?

Dear Mrs.

Mrs Andrew Lownie

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

Beloved,

Honourable sir,

Dear Mr. Lowie,

Respected editor,

Dear Media Entrepreneurs/Book Publishers & World Citizens,

Comments

Leave a comment

  1. Lexi Revellian about 6 hours later:

    A simple ‘Oy, you,’ makes an arresting yet friendly start to an email, I always think.

  2. Nicholas Storey 4 days later:

    Presumably, though, this sort of thing does make it easier to select the material actually to be looked at or do you read it all anyway?

  3. Random Person 6 days later:

    So would “Greetings, all wise, all knowing, and most magnificent one,” be a suitable opening?

  4. Toni Anderson 6 days later:

    It looks like my spam folder :)

  5. another random person 6 days later:

    What, no Clownies?

  6. Emily 6 days later:

    “Warm greetings from Australia. I am very pleased to have found you via a psychic’s recommendation to my mother a few weeks ago.”

    That’s my favorite one. A psychic! A psychic picked you out of all agents for this person to contact! How exciting! Hee.

  7. Sphinx 6 days later:

    I don’t know about you, but I am now intensely interested in whatever the Australian with the psychic was going to submit.

  8. Alex 6 days later:

    So … what’s the opening line that least raises your hackles?

    or no opening line at all?

  9. Erinn 7 days later:

    What about, “Dear Super Sexy Agent who I Pin All My Hopes and Dreams On”

    I think that would be appropriate.

  10. barticle 8 days later:

    How about Dear Secret Agent?

  11. Danyelle Ferguson 8 days later:

    The Australian psychic was most definitely my favorite. So funny! =)

  12. Jocelyn Rish 8 days later:

    Wow, what’s up with all the ones that have ‘Beloved’ in them? I wouldn’t even address my beloved as Beloved, so despite the plethora of weird and wacky here, that’s what really jumps out at me.

  13. Shelby 11 days later:

    Oh, I’d definitely read “Can we date at the London Fair?” I think I’d also read the one from the Australian with the mother’s psychic. Many great things have happened to people who relied on the advice of their mothers’ psychics. Like living in their mother’s basement for the rest of their lives. With their mother’s psychic.

  14. dai 25 days later:

    Whilst I did initially chuckle, I now see this thread as a challenge - dare I better their efforts? I could at least add a few more exclamation marks (!!!..)

  15. Gertrude Patel about 1 month later:

    Dear Andrew (previously known as Gideon Gordon)

    You won’t remember me but we are best friends from a past life and I’m so happy to have finally tracked you down!

    Can’t wait to speak! By the way, I’m writing a book that will light up your eyes with £££ signs!!

    Let’s catch up!

    Your old buddy Gertrude

  16. Cathy Glass about 1 month later:

    Personally, I always call Andrew ‘Sir’.

  17. Marie about 1 month later:

    Oh God, (that’s not my salutation), I think I may have sent an e-mail to Andrew like one of the above!!

  18. Marie about 1 month later:

    Oh God, (that’s not my salutation), I think I may have sent an e-mail to Andrew like one of the above!!

  19. June about 1 month later:

    As I am an old-fashioned lass, I believe it should be ‘Dear Mr Lownie’ if taking the ‘Dear and Yours route’, or Sir, if taking The Times route. Dear Andrew on a first date, before he’s even set eyes on your words, is probably a no-no. However, once a deal has been done, and they do happen with this agency, then by all means, shout ANDREW from the roof tops - whilst still remembering respect is worth more than words, and a good agent is how you get a good deal. I imagine agents get bucket loads of cringeworthy papers! Amusing to see the ones quoted above and probably caused the reader to smile - some were howlers!

  20. Yet-2b-discovered Bestselling Author about 1 month later:

    Andy

  21. Mike Dash 2 months later:

    Post of this month, and probably any month.

  22. Tina 7 months later:

    ROTFLMAO! Would “Dear God of Agents in the Kingdom of Literary Geniuses” get me anywhere, lol?

Comments